Turned Away At Customs

We landed in Guatemala a few days ago. I’m on the Logistics team so our job is to plan travel days and execute them with all 31 of us. Not gonna lie, it’s a little stressful. This was our first time putting it into practice since Guatemala is Month 1 on our race. Last minute we were told that we wouldn’t be allowed into Guatemala unless we had proof that we were leaving. We quickly booked a bus ride into our next country for the end of the month, but since it was so last minute they hadn’t even sent the receipt yet. The three of us on the Logistics team may have seemed calm, but we literally walked up to the luggage desk not knowing if we would be allowed on our flight. Luckily, they let us through, but somehow whoever booked the tickets didn’t pay for luggage so all of our packs cost $30 each, which definitely was not in the budget. But we made it work and got everyone through security.

The rest was pretty uneventful, thankfully, until we landed. Before going through customs, each person had to show their passport and either a negative Covid test or a vaccination card. Easy enough, right? So we lined up and each person took turns going through. It all went off without a hitch, oh except for me. My second Covid vaccine was only 12 days old instead of 14 so she wouldn’t let me in. Like straight up wouldn’t let me into the country. Caitlyn quickly came to translate and finally we figured out that they had rapid tests down the hall. Honestly, was probably like two minutes of a conversation, but it felt like forever with everyone staring at me. We started walking together towards that creepy looking hallway when the lady yelled “solo ella”, “only her”. We tried to tell her that I needed a translator, but she kept repeating, “solo ella”.

So I walked down the hall and into a room that looked straight out of American Horror Story to meet two women in hazmat suits. They started asking a million questions and talking really fast. For a second I was extremely overwhelmed. I mean, sketch, right? I just kept reminding myself to take deep breaths and not even entertain those thoughts of fear. I thought of the verse that I had just read in Daniel 10:19, “Peace! Be strong now, be strong.” That was enough to get me through it. I was able to understand certain words here and there and was able to string sentences together to answer their questions. I waited alone for 15 minutes for the test results, claiming peace over myself while shaking. They called me up and I got my negative results, best believe I’m keeping that paper as a souvenir.

When I finally made it through customs and rejoined my team, I was met with applause and cheering, and also a million questions. I was mortified. It was so embarrassing, I just wished I could pretend like it never happened. I was thinking in my head, “Look away people”. Shame was telling me that they were all laughing at me snidely while I was gone saying things like, “She’s on the logistics team. Her job is literally to plan and get us all through the airport and she couldn’t even do it for herself.” My instinct was to keep my head down and answer questions with super short responses to show that I didn’t want to talk about it. I did that a time or two before realizing that there was no judgment or shame or anything like that. They weren’t asking, “How could you not have figured that out?” or “Aren’t you logistics, aren’t you supposed to be good at this?” Instead they asked things like, “That must’ve been scary for you, how are you feeling?” Or they joked with me about the lady who stuck the test up my nose crazy high up and how she was probably saying to me the whole time, “Tell me when to stop”. I would’ve never known. They were supportive and focused on how to make me feel better. I could have walked into baggage claim to their applause and rejoiced with them.

I felt like a failure in my role. I felt like a failure as a traveler. I felt like a failure as a leader. I chose to let my own insecurities change the way that I looked at the situation. I let shame be the filter in which I saw the situation and myself. Shame was telling me all of these things that aren’t even true. Isn’t that what it always does? God never sees us as failures, He sees us as what we are, growing. The enemy has used shame to get the better of us as believers for too long. That night we joined together as a squad and a couple of people came forward asking for prayer to receive freedom from the shame of their own past.

The enemy knows that this squad is going to do incredible things this year with the Lord and is trying to cause us to stumble. He knows that the best way to mess with us is to get us questioning who we are and what we are doing. Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Let’s try to remind each other today of who we are in Christ and not let shame have control anymore, cool? Cool.

Lord, help this team to encourage each other daily to not leave any room for questions or lies. Show us how You see us and what You have called us to do. Remind us that it is not about who we are, but who You are. You are good, yesterday, today, and forever. Thank You.

-K