I wrote a spoken word… kinda. Basically just a moody rant by a gal at the end of her rope after a rough night’s sleep. Angsty, overdramatic ramblings of an over it missionary learning to let go of earthly comforts. So yea, here ya go.
I don’t want it.
I don’t want bugs on me while I sleep.
I don’t want to wake up covered in bites.
I don‘t want to be freezing or sticky with sweat in my bed.
I don’t want to be exhausted, doing manual labor on no sleep.
I don’t want the zero personal space or alone time.
I don’t want to be hungry after every meal.
I don’t want it.
I don’t want the language barrier.
I don’t want to have to think so hard into every word.
I don’t want to be covered in dirt every day.
I don’t want to only have cold showers only twice a week.
I don’t want it.
It’s too much for me, I’m hungry, dehydrated, and tired. It’s too much for me.
But I don’t want it to end either.
I don’t want comfort.
I don’t want my old life.
I don’t want normalcy.
I don’t want ease.
I don’t want it.
I don’t want complacency or apathy.
I don’t want to be home.
I don’t want to stop learning.
I don’t want to stop dying to self daily.
I don’t want to stop seeing God move in every moment.
I don’t want to stop meeting new people and building deep relationships.
I don’t want it.
I don’t want to stop being used by Him.
I don’t want to cease being stretched.
I don’t want to leave His perfect path.
I don’t want to follow my own plan.
It may be too much for me, but never too much for You.
I don’t want to leave.
I don’t want to stop.
I don’t want to be anywhere else.
I don’t want it any other way.
I don’t want it.
-K
Kayley, I enjoyed reading your post. Keep up the great work of sharing the love of God in practical and tangible ways. You are planting seeds that might sprout quickly and some that might take a while. Just know God is faithful to his word and will be forever faithful to you.
Mrs. Roberts
I’m so glad He used my moody rant to meet you where you were at! Can’t wait to see ya!
Thank you so much for the encouragement!!! God has been showing Himself every day!
Kaley, I read this after my quiet time today, in a very similar place spiritually and emotionally, and your words spoke to the deepest part of me. Tears in my eyes, I’m praying with you: “I don’t want to stop seeing God move in every moment.” Love you much, dear heart…
This is beautiful. We’re living in the ‘here and not yet’ of being on earth but having our inheritance in Heaven, and this poem felt incredibly reflective of that idea. I love it!