Açaí Bowls and Intentionality

Costa Rica has been interesting. It’s been pretty odd honestly. The very first day we got here, our host fell and broke her arm. She had to be flown to get surgery and has been on a lot of medications ever since. She wasn’t able to give any kind of instruction so we weren’t sure what we were supposed to be doing. The plan was to go to the farm, but since she had fallen, she couldn’t leave the city. 

The first week was a lot of waiting. We felt like we were always anticipating something. We weren’t sure if we would be placed with a different host, go to the farm as we originally were told, or stay in the city. We did a lot of things that felt like busy work. We wrapped over 300 Christmas gifts… in mid October. They are for the children in the community so it’s really cool, just didn’t seem important. We helped with a children’s event, but mainly they already had it all under control. It honestly just felt like we were more in the way than anything. We did get to lead a youth group though. That was pretty cool. I bonded with those kids a lot. Lauryn gave her testimony at church on Sunday too. So it wasn’t like we didn’t do anything for that week. 

It just felt weird in comparison to the other months. I spent most of the first week thinking about Honduras. There were some people that I either didn’t get to say goodbye to or didn’t feel like I had enough of a goodbye with. I didn’t feel like I had closure on that chapter yet. Heck, I was still trying to find closure from the Guatemala chapter. That made it very hard to start a new one. Whenever I wasn’t thinking about Honduras, I was thinking about Guatemala. It was hard not to compare this month with those months. Especially when it came to people. 

Costa Rica has been a lot of background work so we really haven’t spent a lot of time with locals. Guatemala was so strongly relational and in Honduras I felt like my ministry was strongest with the locals we worked alongside. I struggled to see how God was going to use us here. I struggled to see how He would turn it all around. 

Today for Sabbath, we were in a small tourist-y town called La Fortuna. I woke up early thinking about an açaí bowl place I had seen the last time we were here. I kept talking myself out of going there, thinking, “The hostel has açaí bowls too, it’s raining, I shouldn’t walk by myself, if I got a bowl here I wouldn’t have to get wet at all”. Things like that. Yet I still couldn’t stop thinking about that cute shop I had passed so many times. I thought about waiting for the other girls to wake up, but decided the alone time would be nice. As I walked in the rain, enjoying my freedom and solitude, I was in total decompress mode. I thought through the people and things that have been plaguing my mind from Guatemala and Honduras. Everything I saw reminded me of them. I couldn’t stop thinking about our first two countries. I missed them. I was thinking of all I would give to go back in time to do it all again. To see those people and live out those experiences one more time. 

I got to the açaí shop and it was closed. The owner was out front getting things set up and assured me it would only be a quick minute before she would be ready. I stood awkwardly reading the menu posted on the wall outside as she set up the seating. She sounded like she was from the states, but I was too shy to say anything. Finally, I mustered up the courage to ask what her favorite thing on the menu was. That opened up a door. After that awkward ice breaker, we talked for an hour. The shop owner, Michelle, is actually from California too! She even went to college in Sacramento and lived in Elk Grove, where my mom currently lives. 

She told me about how she had always dreamed of seeing the jungle so when she graduated college with a degree in nutrition she just up and moved to Costa Rica. She told me that she had prayed to the moon and stars and had manifested it herself.  I told her about my trip and why I was in Costa Rica, I told her that I had prayed about it and God made it happen for me. She went on to tell me about her life path, I told her about God’s plan for my life. She told me about the social construct that is put on young people to be married with kids right out of college with a great stable job. She told me how she felt successful for living out her dream. I told her my goal was not success, but solely to follow whatever God has next for me. She seemed like the type that would get defensive if I said anything more direct. All I could do was match her energy and match her phrasing. 

I was so glad I had gonna at that exact time, having time to chat with her before she got busy. While I ate my açaí bowl, I read through some Proverbs. She watched me as I studied and journaled, bringing plants to surround me so that I would take from their “energies”. I asked the Lord where to go from there. I prayed that He would open the door if He wanted more to come of it, but nothing. I asked to take a photo of her, as a photojournalist wannabe. She also asked to take a picture of me, because she didn’t want to forget how beautiful that morning and our time together was. She told me she’d be praying for me to get my dreams. I told her I’d be praying for her business and life in Costa Rica. I left feeling so encouraged. She did as well. When I went to leave, she hugged me. She said, “Stop, I’m gonna cry, this was too sweet. The universe knew I needed this. I am so grateful”. I said, “Wow, what a beautiful start to the day. Thank You, God.” 

I walked away with so many thoughts. I don’t feel it was the time to dive further into Christianity with her. I don’t feel there was more I could have said. I felt okay with how it ended. She told me repeatedly that she saw something different in me. That’s enough. The Lord will use that. She thought it was my aura, I knew it was my Jesus. Maybe the Lord was planting a seed, maybe He used me to make the ground ready for a future seed. Maybe I’ll never find out what happens to my friend Michelle. I have to be okay with that. I have to trust that God has her in His hands too. It’s not in my control.

The funniest part was that I was so focused on so many other things of the past that I almost missed what was right in front of me. One of the Proverbs I had read while sitting there was Proverbs 4:6, “Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.” It emphasized focusing on what is ahead of you instead of constantly looking to what is behind, over and done. This was convicting to me. The chapter, as with the whole book of Proverbs, was about attaining wisdom. Each verse a keys to wisdom. It’s interesting to read this within that context. Almost like to be wise you should “let your eyes look straight ahead” and to be wise “fix your gaze directly before you”, not behind, not in the past. 

I’ve spent so much time thinking about the past while the Lord is trying to show me that He is still moving, here, now. God showed me today the importance of focusing on what is ahead of me instead of what is behind. I can’t be so hung up on the people and experiences from before that I am not in the mood to meet new ones. I have 8 more months of the race, 8 more countries, 8 more opportunities to completely fall in love with all of the locals.  I don’t want to waste any more time thinking about the past, or the future for that fact. I cherish those memories and will hold on to them dearly for the rest of my life. I look forward to telling my grandchildren some day about the people I’ve met in each country, but for right now, I need to be focused on the people in front of me here. I am grateful for what He did in the first two countries. I am praying for my daily bread and trusting that the Lord will do something big here too. 

Thank You, Lord, for this beautiful reminder today. Help me to fix my gaze directly before me, on the people You have for me here, on the next direct step, on whatever You have planned for right now, on You. 
-K